
BEGIN ~X#EDWIN~

/////DREAM SCRIPT////
CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-2 ~Global("EDXA1","LOCALS",1)~ THEN ~BEDWIN~ EDXA1
~I would be weary of that soup, if I were you, elf.~ [EDWIN99]
DO ~SetGlobal("EDXA1","LOCALS",2)~
== ~BXANNN~ ~Indeed? Why is that?~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Well, do you not linger amongst so many dangers? Are not either foul beasts or deadly enemies awaiting you around each bend of the road?~
== ~BXANNN~ ~Yes….~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~And do you not agree that the greatest of perils might come from the most unexpected places?~
== ~BXANNN~ ~Indeed, the grim angel of destruction only enjoys watching our vain toils with amusement, before he sinks his cruel scythe…but what has that to do with soup?~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~(This was just too easy.) Since dangers lurk around every corner, and death awaits you at ever step, why would you trust some hot, oily substance of undisclosed composition just because it happens to be lying before you in a plate? Flee, flee, rabbit hearted one, for the shadow creeps ever nearer! (Little does it matter that it happens to be your own.)~
DO ~RestParty()~
EXIT

///DREAM SCRIPT///
CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-2 ~Global("EDTI1","LOCALS",1)~ THEN ~BEDWIN~ EDTI1
~Tiax, fetch me some food, and be quick about it! If <CHARNAME> insists on you traveling with us, you can at least make yourself useful (though never useful enough to justify his presence among us, or his continued existence for that matter).~ [EDWIN99]
DO ~SetGlobal("EDTI1","LOCALS",2)~
== ~BTIAX~ ~Tiax is no butler! Rather, Tiax is the one to be butled! Now that Tiax has been insulted, he demands that YOU fetch HIS breakfest! Tiax likes his eggs scrambled, and easy on the jelly for his toast!!!~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~(Why must my inferiors always whine and complain instead of promptly obeying!? I suppose I shall have to speak in a language this simpleton understands if I wish anything accomplished!) Tiax, if you fetch me my breakfast, I will use the World Conquest scroll I've been saving since I left Thay, and you can rule the world as soon as I finish eating.~
== ~BTIAX~ ~Errrrr....world conquest scroll?~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Yes, I found it on a Kobold I killed on the trip from Thay. It's a magic spell. Cast it, and you instantly rule the world. (I wish he would just get my food already!)~
== ~BTIAX~ ~Bah! Tiax isn't an idiot! If such a scroll existed, Cyric himself would hand it to Tiax that he might rule the world all the faster! Cyric would never deign to let such an important scroll fall into the hands of a foolish slave such as you!~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Are you going to fetch my breakfast or not!?~
== ~BTIAX~ ~Errrrr....Yes. But not because Tiax believes in the scroll, of course! Tiax has absolutely no interest in such an obviously flagrant lie! Tiax will be right back with breakfast, alright? And even if Tiax doesn't believe you, your promise is still binding if you're telling the truth!~
DO ~RestParty()~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("AJANTIS")
See("AJANTIS")
!StateCheck("AJANTIS",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("EDAJ1","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BEDWIN~ EDAJ1
~Tell me, Ajantis…The Watcher, Helm... What is it precisely that he watches? The eating habits of his followers? The sleeping habits of his followers? What does it take to be another sheep in the flock?~ [EDWIN99]
DO ~SetGlobal("EDAJ1","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BAJANT~ ~Be careful, wizard, as my patience is worn thin by the presence of a vile person such as you in our midst. Prod no further or I shall….~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Oh, threatening, are we! Perhaps I have missed my aim, and it is the mating habits of his followers that Helm watches? (Though if that is his amusement, he must be a rather bored god.)~
== ~BAJANT~ ~How dare you!~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Do not feel bad, iron clad boy. None would perform well with a bearded deity looking over their shoulder constantly.~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("ALORA")
See("ALORA")
!StateCheck("ALORA",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("EDAL1","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BEDWIN~ EDAL1
~Alora, not that truly I mind your constant and flattering (if loud and annoying) attention, but I am sure you could find some way of prying yourself from my side for an hour or two a day?~ [EDWIN99]
DO ~SetGlobal("EDAL1","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BALORA~ ~Huh, Edwin, of course! It is so sweet of you to hint that I need to go chat with someone else, but then sweet is what you are, though you strive to hide it. Everyone is so friendly in our small company!~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Yes, not to mention that some of our friendly company has begun to think...somewhat improper...and downright rude...things…~
== ~BALORA~ ~Oh! You must mean all that ‘red-cloaked pervy hobbit fancier’ stuff I keep hearing? Right? But I assure you that's nonsense. Huh, that doesn’t mean you don’t like me, right? Right?~
== ~BALORA~ IF ~InParty("MONTARON")~ THEN ~And Monty says he will kill you if you try anything... ~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~It's not that I do not like you, and I do like you, in some strange way, which is most definitely not *that* way. Erm, what I mean to say is that I like children...Stop staring, you dirty-minded cretins! In general, I like children in general, with the condition that they be well bred, clean and quiet if not spoken to…(Must stop…What am I saying? Furthermore, what are they hearing!?)~
== ~BALORA~ ~I am NOT a child! I am a Halfling! A woman grown in Halfling standards! And I am very tall for my age!~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~(This is as complicated as dealing with the Zulkir!) Yes, yes, of course you are fully grown. Indeed, how could I have mistaken so? I apologize. Just don’t shout anymore!~
== ~BALORA~ ~Now, Edwin, isn't that better?~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Strange, I . . . I do not feel so well. I need rest...~ [EDWIN 11] 
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("BRANWEN")
InParty("Minsc")
See("BRANWEN")
!StateCheck("BRANWEN",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("EDBR1","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BEDWIN~ EDBR1
~(It is not only dwarves that have trouble discerning women from men…)~ [EDWIN99]
DO ~SetGlobal("EDBR1","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BBRANW~ ~What is that you say, Edwin?~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Nothing, nothing, I was merely musing on the fact that certain women have an uncanny ability of imitating the environment from which they come. Just because one has lived amongst rocks...or was one...does not mean one has to mimic them in appearance.~
== ~BBRANW~ ~Tempus endows each and every one of his children as he sees fit. Why should strength of spirit and faith not be doubled by strength of body?~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Or tripled by strength of voice. (Talking to her is threatening my sensitive ear.)~
EXIT


CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("CORAN")
See("CORAN")
!StateCheck("CORAN",STATE_SLEEPING)
AreaType(CITY)
Global("EDCO1","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BEDWIN~ EDCO1
~Watch where you are going, ungraceful lout. (Elven agility is highly overrated, I cannot be convinced of the opposite).~[EDWIN99]
DO ~SetGlobal("EDCO1","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BCORAN~ ~Oh, but I am watching, Edwin, and something far better than the cobbles under my feet. Take a look, human…~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Well...you are excused...moreover; you have earned what little gratitude I had planned for the day.~
== ~BCORAN~ ~The wench is a welcome sight for the sore eyes of a traveler, is she not? Have you seen anything like her in Thay?~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Of course, of course, though such a treasure would have been claimed hastily and would not wander the streets in such a voluptuous manner. (I have a most unlikely urge of helping her carry her groceries to the bedroom...kitchen…wherever she wants me… erm, them.)~
== ~BCORAN~ ~That would be a crime to claim the treasure such as that for just one man to see and adore. He who would do it deserves to be robbed.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Bah. The treasures of the world are many, eagle-eyed elf, and none are to be cherished safely forever.~
== ~BCORAN~ ~But the brightest ones, Edwin, are those that lie in another man’s coffer…~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~And that is why Thayan men are well advised to lock their doors carefully when they leave the house. ~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("DYNAHEIR")
See("DYNAHEIR")
!StateCheck("DYNAHEIR",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("EDDY1","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BEDWIN~ EDDY1
~I'll have you know, witch, that even if our present company seems to be oblivious to your evil nature, I am not letting one single gesture of yours slip my keen eye, and that you time to answer the call of death will come soon.~[EDWIN99]
DO ~SetGlobal("EDDY1","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BDYNAH~ ~Thou speaketh of my evil nature while threatening me with death?~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~There is nothing more fair than the death of the likes of you! Too long has your wild and uncivilized nation stood in the way of Thay's power.(By chance, nothing but chance)~
== ~BDYNAH~ ~My valorous nation had long protected the Realm from the insane lust of conquest of Thay rulers.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~There is nothing insane to lust of conquest; moreover, the useless wasteland that is your land would benefit from the superior leadership and magic of Thay.~
== ~BDYNAH~ ~What would’st a Thayan ruler know of my land, of the barrows of my ancestors and of my custom? A Rashemi dost not kneel to any foreigner and she is a slave to no one. The one who comes with a sword to my land will die by the sword. Or by fire.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~The fire of my magic will find *you* soon enough, vile woman.~
== ~BDYNAH~ ~Thou announce thy desire to kill me often enough, yet I still live. From that I can only conclude that thou fear me. And fear me thou should, wizard, for I am no less skilled than thee and can bring thy demise easily.~
== ~BEDWIN~ IF ~InParty("MINSC")~ THEN ~So strong is your magic, that you need a giant ape to guard you every step. The safety you enjoy now is short lived, wench. Revel in it while you still can.~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("ELDOTH")
See("ELDOTH")
!StateCheck("ELDOTH",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("EDEL1","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BEDWIN~ EDEL1
~Among the various breeds of fools around me, I find none that is as contemptible as you. Do you not find it humiliating to survive on the whims of a woman?~ [EDWIN99]
DO ~SetGlobal("EDEL1","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BELDOT~ ~No, why? I for my part think the men who pay or enslave women to lay with them fools...like you, for example.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~I have mastery of my bedchamber, and can afford to choose what I take to it, instead of bearing through some mockery of pleasure. At least I bed the woman, and not her name or fortune.~
== ~BELDOT~ ~If you judge yourself successful because you have the mastery of your bedchamber, then your plans appear to be very humble indeed. I have mastery of the bedchambers of those who rule through gold or through swords.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~(By the looks of him, too briefly for anyone to notice.) Tell me, Eldoth, when you share passion with the foolish girl do you hear the rattle of gold?~
== ~BELDOT~ ~I do. The love of gold is the highest passion and I give myself eagerly to those who can satisfy my longing.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~I stand corrected then. It is not contempt I feel for you, but pity. Women are not the way to power, but rather one of its many blessings. The day will come when one of them throws you out onto the street and bleaches all of your clothes. (Or bleaches him and throws his garments onto the street, I cannot be sure in which way one gets rid of more slime.)~
== ~BELDOT~ ~Ah, open your eyes wizard! If one of them would throw me out on the street naked...there would be a line-up and fight for the right to pick me up.~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("ELDOTH")
See("ELDOTH")
!StateCheck("ELDOTH",STATE_SLEEPING)
InParty("SKIE")
See("SKIE")
!StateCheck("SKIE",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("EDEL2","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BEDWIN~ EDEL2
~You said you gain power through women, Eldoth. But you are confronted with a paradox then: the women who are stupid enough to lower themselves to the likes of you cannot possibly wield power, while those who do find you irresistible could not possibly wield more than a fork in the correct manner.~ [EDWIN99]
DO ~SetGlobal("EDEL2","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BELDOT~ ~Where did you get your ideas on women's class? Some brothel in Beregost? My latest paramour is Skie Silvershield, the daughter of Grand Duke of Baldur's Gate.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Oh yes, I forget your little monkey has a name whose sonority makes any of the qualities she might have quite unnoticeable. Then it will not be her to throw you onto the street, it will be her father. (Unless it is from him that she has borrowed that outstanding wit)~
== ~BELDOT~ ~* Laughs * Keep dreaming, wizard. Skie loves me, and her love provides for my needs. Betty the Rosebud...or whatever that little whore's name was, on the other hand, picked you clean and she does not even know who her father is. See the difference?~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Indeed, I do. I enjoyed the witty and pleasant Betty, her conversation and her charming giggle in a way that you will never enjoy Skie on her best of days.~
== ~BELDOT~ ~* Chuckles * Yeah, right.~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("GARRICK")
See("GARRICK")
!StateCheck("GARRICK",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("EDGA1","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BEDWIN~ EDGA1
~Writing more than one reads is the sign of a poor writer. I do not recall seeing you with a book of any sort, Garrick, which, along with your complete lack of talent, explains the poor quality of your poetry.~ [EDWIN99]
DO ~SetGlobal("EDGA1","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BGARRI~ ~You are simply too much of a snob to understand my poetry. It is addressed to the simpler and kinder people than you. Besides I do read. Why, not even a year past I had that book...What was its name again?~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~'How to write poor rhymes in three easy steps' by 'Icannot Count Tofive’?~
== ~BGARRI~ ~No, actually. Though it is a great manual. I think it was: ‘How to turn Red Wizards Blue’ by Just Leavemebe.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Heh, as expected-monkey see, monkey do. Much like in what you call art, you are nothing but a cheap imitation of greater men's genius.~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("IMOEN2")
See("IMOEN2")
!StateCheck("IMOEN2",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("EDIM1","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BEDWIN~ EDIM1
~ You show great taste in clothing, young thief. Your fashion sense could some day grow to equal mine (granted plenty of exercise and careful study, of course)~ [EDWIN99]
DO ~SetGlobal("EDIM1","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BIMOEN2~ ~You like my outfit? Really? It's funny, nobody else seems to...~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Nonsense, child, mindless blabber, brought on by envy and nothing more. You may trust my judgment and flawless taste. Most assuredly, pink is not quite as impressive as red, but it is a very good place to start.~
== ~BIMOEN2~ ~I don't know, Edwin, I don't really like red all that much....~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Dearest Imoen, allow for some more time. (Indeed, red on one so young and not of noble Thayan descent would hardly be befitting now) Red is the color of colors, the summit of style and the pinnacle of elegance. Of course, being of such tender years, you might not see it yet, but despair not! I have high hopes for you.~
== ~BIMOEN2~ ~Er...Sure, Edwin. Whatever you say.~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("JAHEIRA")
See("JAHEIRA")
!StateCheck("JAHEIRA",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("EDJA1","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BEDWIN~ EDJA1
~For one of so called noble descent, I find your manners (or the complete lack thereof) completely surprising, Jaheira.~ [EDWIN99]
DO ~SetGlobal("EDJA1","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BJAHEI~ ~There is more sense in speaking one's mind than the senseless flattery of lowly lackeys you are accustomed to, wizard. One with more wisdom would see honesty as refreshing.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~A fine line lies between honesty and unbearable rudeness; you have trampled it so many times, trudging back and forth, that had I suspected you had the intelligence of doing it on purpose, I'd applaud (as quietly as possible).~
== ~BJAHEI~ ~Would you rather I lied then, and call you handsome or wise when all my eyes see is repulsive and rash?~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~How soon I tire of your nagging! I am certain that those who understand my obvious qualities are by far more numerous than those who'd call you attractive-nay, remotely pleasant, wench.~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("JAHEIRA")
See("JAHEIRA")
!StateCheck("JAHEIRA",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("EDJA2","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BEDWIN~ EDJA2
~It is greatly surprising to hear talk of courage from one who has not the bravery to confront a choice, but instead lingers in the middle of things where tasks are unclear and motives are hidden (and most of all, it is safe).~ [EDWIN99]
DO ~SetGlobal("EDJA2","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BJAHEI~ ~Your mind is tainted with lust and greed; among the illusions that cloud your thinking, there is no rim of light and no hope of understanding of greater reasons. March on, before I become tempted to explore your middle with my staff!~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Bah. Spoken like one who is afraid of both pleasure and conviction. (deluded simpletons, each to the last). In truth, I could squeeze more admiration for the dim-witted Rashemi berserker. ~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("KAGAIN")
See("KAGAIN")
!StateCheck("KAGAIN",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("EDKA1","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BEDWIN~ EDKA1
~I do admire your straightforward way, Kagain, even if your wit is more than a little lacking. You are one after my own taste, for I cannot see you having qualms with whatever tasks are entrusted you. After all, the purpose always justifies the means.~ [EDWIN99]
DO ~SetGlobal("EDKA1","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BKAGAI~ ~Har, that's why I get paid so handsomely. Some people are too cowardly to deal with their dirty laundry. So they pay - I do.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~A trade as any other, I wager, and more profitable than most. I must wonder though, is there a limit even to your lack of conscience? Is there something you would not do for gold's sake?~
== ~BKAGAI~ ~Are you mad or somethin' wizard? Tell me the truth: is there anything YOU would not do for the sake of gold to some other person?~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Gold to me is a secondary motivation, a means to an end; it is not wealth I seek, but the power it can buy. Once my mission is accomplished, I shall be on my way to it. I have no fear of taking matters in my own hands either; a blood stain is little visible on a red robe.~
== ~BKAGAI~ ~Now ye are talking like a man who has some guts, wizard, not some ninny who's afraid to slit a throat or two.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Whatever is necessary for the greater Glory of Thay. (And for the name Odesseiron along with it)~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("KHALID")
See("KHALID")
!StateCheck("KHALID",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("EDKH1","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BEDWIN~ EDKH1
~Khalid, do you not think this pretense of sensitivity is growing tiresome? (One more stutter out of him, and I will disentangle his tongue with my dagger).~ [EDWIN99]
DO ~SetGlobal("EDKH1","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BKHALI~ ~S-sensitivity? Is th-that what you imagine is the cause for the s-stumbling of my tongue?~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~What else? Take a benevolent advice from a better man than you are, fool, and stop this circus. Have you not heard that the house where the hen crows instead of the rooster is bound for disaster?~
== ~BKHALI~ ~Jaheira is n-not a hen. She is a s-strong and intelligent woman.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Ahh yes, but it is precisely strong intelligent women that make servants out of their husbands, then find them contemptible for it.~
== ~BKHALI~ ~Can so *b-brilliant* a man as yourself be without perception? This is not a c-contest. Jaheira's love for me is beyond d-doubt, my trust in her has no limit.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~I have neither the time nor the will to open your eyes to the truth. (I swear, the man has borrowed his wits from a tree.)~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("KIVAN")
See("KIVAN")
!StateCheck("KIVAN",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("EDKI1","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BEDWIN~ EDKI1
~It seems that the concept of murder is quite negotiable these days. Does naming it 'revenge' make it more palatable for you, ranger?~ [EDWIN99]
DO ~SetGlobal("EDKI1","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BKIVAN~ ~There is no question in my mind, Edwin - Tazok must pay for his crimes, and I care little for the term used by the others. It will be justice…~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Oh, yes, but how far does justice go? Let us consider a hypothetical question. (If such a concept is not beyond his abilities.) ~
== ~BKIVAN~ ~Hypothetical question? My wife's pain was not hypothetical, Edwin. ~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Yes, yes, but more to the point. Is it still justice to kill the guard that stands idly in front of Tazok's tent? Perhaps he has been hired just past eve, and has nothing whatsoever to do with the murder of your wife.~
== ~BKIVAN~ ~I will not kill a person who stands idly, Edwin. But I will kill anyone who would try to defend Tazok. No truly good person would serve this half-ogre. Or would be unaware of his crimes.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~It is not a question of good or evil, but one of guilt and punishment. Such a man I find is guilty of nothing more than utter stupidity in choice of employment. Itis his duty to defend Tazok. Is that a crime punishable by death in the ranger code, nowadays?~
== ~BKIVAN~ ~The man you speak of chose to join Brigands, Edwin. He chose plunder, murder and torture of innocents as his line of business.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~(Easy, almost too easy...) So, now you are the avenger of ALL innocents, not only Deheriana. Most interesting, the circle of your enemies grows wide quicker than even mine. Do you not wonder whether your quest is far more than you admit it to be?~
== ~BKIVAN~ ~I vowed to avenge Deheriana, and I will do that. It was you, who wanted to speak of abstract cases.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Indeed, but I do not disguise my personal hatreds as righteous quests. (Most of the time, heh).~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("MINSC")
See("MINSC")
!StateCheck("MINSC",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("EDMI1","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BEDWIN~ EDMI1
~Get it off! Keep your stinky rodent to yourself. It is the third hole he has chewed in my robe since this morning, and stitching is not for mages! (Unless it is stitching hamsters to the rangers who carry them and sending them up in flames)!~ [EDWIN99]
DO ~SetGlobal("EDMI1","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BMINSC~ ~Boo does not have boots to kick evil butts. So he has to chew on them. Right Boo?~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~I wonder...Perhaps a practical use for the ferret could still be found. It is too small to become a glove, and quite large for a component pouch. Plus, the color isn’t at all stylish. Ah, I see. It will be a pin cushion. Most definitely. Since I am in need of needles, I might as well have a place to keep them.~
== ~BMINSC~ ~ARRRGGGH! The evil wizard has revealed his evil plans! He wants to kill Dynaheir and he wants to put needles into Boo! You make Minsc very angry!~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Listen here ranger! I shall not goad you by addressing you in plurisyllabic words. (Or address you at all for that matter) Rodent chews on robe again, rodent dies. Am I clear enough?~
== ~BMINSC~ ~Do not you try to confuse Minsc. Boo is hamster not a GOAT! If wizard will harm Boo, wizard will die. Minsc has spoken.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Poison. Daggers. Poisonous daggers. (Yes, yes, think of pleasant things and you will not suffer stomach burns.) Fireball… Aaah…~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("MONTARON")
See("MONTARON")
!StateCheck("MONTARON",STATE_SLEEPING)
InParty("XZAR")
See("XZAR")
!StateCheck("XZAR",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("EDMO1","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BEDWIN~ EDMO1
~Quite a choice of profession you have, Montaron. I wasn't aware your kind was adept with more than common thievery and digging. (Or spreading smell of feet, for that matter).~ [EDWIN99]
DO ~SetGlobal("EDMO1","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BMONTA~ ~Keep runnin' yer mouth 'n' ye be set to find just how good I am at me perfessin'.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Worry not, I shall keep as far away from you as possible. Though our interests might for the moment hold us together, no man of moral standing would accept the presence of the most idiotic couple the Zhentharim has to offer for long.~
== ~BMONTA~ ~Now ye sound as a bloody Harper. Figures.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Though I do admit the sound of ‘bloody Harper’ is like music to my ear, it does not take some foolhardy follower of Mystra to understand how utterly moronic, lacking in purpose and guidance the actions of your laughable organisation are.~
== ~BMONTA~ ~Yers ain't won no prizes neither. And *we* got one good sayin' anyways; "T' more rotten the Thayvian, t' sweeter his heart's blood smell."~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Yes, yes, and the smaller they are the faster they burn. (With far less odor, I might add.)~
== ~BMONTA~ ~Them dumb 'n' slow enow to be ketched by a Thayvian deserves to.~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("QUAYLE")
See("QUAYLE")
!StateCheck("QUAYLE",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("EDQU1","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BEDWIN~ EDQU1
~Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! You speak from morning till evening and even in your sleep you mutter something. I am positively and utterly tired of your prattle. (And I have a growing migraine, completely not drinking related, of course.) Just shut up!~ [EDWIN99]
DO ~SetGlobal("EDQU1","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~My amazing brain has to find its relief verbally. If I hold on to all the ideas that it creates, my head would burst. And you would do well to listen to what I say, maybe you will smarten up some.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~I do not need to smarten up. If I were but a tad more intelligent (as we with the advanced vocabulary like to call it) the gods themselves would be jealous.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Oh, that is a cruel destiny but some of us learnt to cope with it. I, for example, if you are too stupid to get my subtle hint.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Certainly, then, you must know silence is the breeding ground of thought?(If even this fails, I will find a bard to sell his vocal chords to. Surely no guitar string has ever withstood so much pressure without failing) Do attempt to nest some useful thoughts in that resounding skull of yours….~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Actually, according to my last research, discussion is the most productive way to develop ideas. Some sages call it brainstorming, a technique that I have easily mastered. But nay, mastered is an understatement. I have perfected this technique and raised it to a form of art; I can do brain-hurricaning or brain-typhooning or brain-earthquaking...not only mere, humble "storming".~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Stay away from me gnome. Now and forevermore...stay away from me! Else I will research the depth of every bodily orifice you have with the very first lightning rod I encounter! (Why do I suffer these fools? Surely there must be a better fate for a skilled mage such as I somewhere on this simian infested continent…)~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("SAFANA")
See("SAFANA")
!StateCheck("SAFANA",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("EDSA1","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BEDWIN~ EDSA1
~It is a pity that you should waste your time with men of so little importance, when one such as I am present. I am very proud to announce to you that not only are my hands skilled at the most arcane of magic, but also at the most pleasurable of caresses. (And my purse is fuller. This always seems to be an advantage.)~ [EDWIN99]
DO ~SetGlobal("EDSA1","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BSAFAN~ ~Darling, if I could have a golden piece for every man who told me that, my purse would be bigger than the ducal palace in Baldur's Gate.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Undoubtedly plenty of idle talk and no action; should you be willing, I will most gladly stand (or lay, as you prefer) for a demonstration.~
== ~BSAFAN~ ~Oh, you are one of those who are in a hurry. Shave your beard off, and I might give you a consideration...~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~You are not entitled to talk about my beard! I sacrifice hours each day for it to attain its seamless perfection. (And I look twelve without it. But that is beside the point.)~
== ~BSAFAN~ ~I do prefer younger men, Edwin. With age, men, like bad wine, turn sour.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~I have too much wit and too much pride to comment on your preferences. Your taste will lead you astray soon enough though, and you will come to regret your associations with penniless bards who shall not be named.~
== ~BSAFAN~ ~But of course not, darling. At least they will put my name in a song or two...and what shall you do? Teach me magic missile? I am no small mage myself…of the School of Love. Have you never heard of Safana’s Burning Hands of Lust? Safana's See Through Men spell? Safana's Desire-fireball?~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Tempt me as you wish, but the beard stays where it belongs. I’ve had it for far longer than I’ve known you, and I will have it long after your not worthy of remembrance presence around me will cease.~
== ~BSAFAN~ ~Oh, I guess you really do look twelve without it, then.~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("SHARTEEL")
See("SHARTEEL")
!StateCheck("SHARTEEL",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("EDSH1","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BEDWIN~ EDSH1
~I understand you think wearing perfume is just one of the enslavement methods of males, but washing is a good and advisable habit. Once a day for most people, but you should not hurry into things that you are unused to. Try twice a month, at first.~ [EDWIN99]
DO ~SetGlobal("EDSH1","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BSHART~ ~Shut your mouth! The smell of sweat and blood befits a fighter. And if we are talking about washing, you can use some, flower boy. Your stink attracts all the bees in a radius of fifteen leagues.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~I will have you know it is perfume. The most excellent and quite expensive one I might add.~
== ~BSHART~ ~I wonder how your blood smells...I wager it will blend nicely into my bouquet...~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~What an interesting choice of words. Bouquet? Like the thing you will never get to throw, for the idiot who would wed one such as you has not yet been born? (Unless we do not count out tanar'ri, but even those posses some degree of brain.)~
== ~BSHART~ ~I am not mad enough to wish to be bond to such a pathetic thing as a man. If you ever dare to humiliate me with such a suggestion again I will have your tongue.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Pardon me, I am not nearly intoxicated enough to speak to wildlife. (What was I thinking, addressing this thing? Have I not far more important and deadly things to do?)~
== ~BSHART~ ~Try putting on some more of that perfume. That will intoxicate you quick enough.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~I will open your mind to the cause of your overly aggressive behavior. Jealousy, pure and simple. Not only am I a most accomplished mage, but also a very handsome and well groomed individual.~
== ~BSHART~ ~And the most useless bastard of all the bastards who lace their breaches over their thinking device.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Indeed, I’ve noticed your glances, fiend of a woman. You, ungraceful lout of a man-like creature, bring truth to the saying that women admire men's hind sides, for they like intelligent men and assume men think with the same part as they do.~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("SKIE")
See("SKIE")
!StateCheck("SKIE",STATE_SLEEPING)
InParty("ELDOTH")
See("ELDOTH")
!StateCheck("ELDOTH",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("EDSK1","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BEDWIN~ EDSK1
~Skie, would you be so kind as to stand over there and look gorgeous while not saying a word?~ [EDWIN99]
DO ~SetGlobal("EDSK1","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BSKIE~ ~My talents go beyond my stunning looks, Edwin. Have you heard me singing? * Blush * Eldoth says I have a remarkable voice.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~No, no my dear, he said "remarkably annoying". (She will undoubtedly break a few potion bottles while she is at it). Certainly the westerner barbarians that were your parents taught you women should be seen, and not heard? Why not abide by it, then? (Her silence is a small loss, if ever there was one…)~
== ~BSKIE~ ~No...my father insisted me on taking artistic speech classes. I assumed that he would want me to talk in public often. But it is so difficult to tell what my father's desires are… Even if I get to see him, I can never guess anything from his face or words. That is why I love Eldoth so...All of his feelings towards me are written so clearly in his wonderful eyes....~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Wonderful eyes? Those bead-like appendages? I have seen more intelligent and honest looking eyes on a drunken weasel. Very well, then, impress me with your public speaking abilities. (Though I would much rather appreciate a belly dance).~
== ~BSKIE~ ~I guess I can improvise on the topic you have suggested...Eldoth's eyes...
"The eyes of my lover are like two lakes filled with passion…
I can see the ripples of desire induced on their surface by my glance, like it was gentle wind…
Every time I look into their depth I feel myself submerging into their warm caress and
 I do not mind loosing my breath and drowning…"~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Uuuuhhh, enough, enough. (Curse my polite ways!) Erm, Skie, does your massacre of poetry bear interruption?.~
== ~BSKIE~ ~But I have just started!~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Yes, yes, but...(Must pretend to work…)~
== ~BSKIE~ ~Ah! I see you are starting to look through your scrolls...you must be busy, I am sorry for distracting you. Men have so many important things to attend to, it always surprises me.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Oh, yes, I am busy, very busy.~
== ~BSKIE~ ~Then I will go think of my love to Eldoth.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Do that, fair Skie, and do it for the next decade or two.~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("VICONIA")
See("VICONIA")
!StateCheck("VICONIA",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("EDVI1","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BEDWIN~ EDVI1
~I must congratulate you on your restraint, gracious creature of darkness (compliments, yes, plenty of compliments will accomplish the task).~ [EDWIN99]
DO ~SetGlobal("EDVI1","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BVICON~ ~I am unsure of what you intend to say, wizard. Speak, and do not waste my time.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~It is clear to all those with intelligence above that of a rotting log that a woman of greatly refined taste could see no better choice of companion than me, when surrounded with such pitiful examples of men. I find your delay in taking action most charming, and yet I wish to set your mind at ease.~
== ~BVICON~ ~Believe me, jaluk, I've suffered no concern over any lack of interest on your part. If anything, you appear to me overeager.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~I am not an easy man to sway, but your charm and elegance could not go unnoticed. Therefore, I'm at your every whim. How might I please you, my ebony embodiment of beauty?~
== ~BVICON~ ~You wish to please? Then turn around, and walk far away from me, as briskly as your insufferably bright garb allows you.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~(Another skillful tactic! But I shall persevere.) Very well, for now. But I shall stay around, for your better judgment is bound to intervene (Any moment now...)~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("YESLICK")
See("YESLICK")
!StateCheck("YESLICK",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("EDYE1","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BEDWIN~ EDYE1
~Tell me, short one, what is the price of magic in kneeling hours?~ [EDWIN99]
DO ~SetGlobal("EDYE1","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BYESLI~ ~Kneelin'? Me prayer ta Clangeddin is sang by me hammer as much as me words, Edwin!~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~In whatever way it’s done, it is still begging. I prefer my magic of the thought and studied kind; far be it from me to rest at the mercy of some deity for the ability of curing a scraped knee.~
== ~BYESLI~ ~Aye, me deity gives me his favor an' power. Clangeddin is immortal an' indestructible. All ye have is dusty tomes an' crumblin' scrolls. Be they burnt one day an' where would yer magic nest? Would they strengthen yer spirit and heal yer heart when they were cinders?~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Yes, yes, but while gods rise and fall, the power of the mind is truly lasting. Burn all the tomes, there are others to be written; and I shall have no higher power other than my will.~
== ~BYESLI~ ~Ye must be an elf then, Edwin, ta gain power wi'out Mystra's volition.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Mystra? MYSTRA? Let Elminster and his pathetic company keep to Mystra! The only business Mystra has in the realms is adopting half-wit mages out of pity!~
== ~BYESLI~ ~Ohoh, ye'd regret becoming one o' her Chosen, then?~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~(If only I was so lucky...) Yes! Has your hearing grown dim with the thunderous assault of your own voice? I said half-wit mages. That clearly excludes me, as I am by far the most brilliant spell caster that ever lived, with or without the aid of some bleeding heart female deity. Now be gone, I need to compose myself. (Mystra! Elminster! One day, one day...)~
EXIT

