BEGIN ~X#Quayl~

APPEND ~BQUAYL~

IF WEIGHT #-2 ~
Global("QuFriendTalk","GLOBAL",1)
Global("Quayle_PC","LOCALS",0)~ THEN BEGIN Quayle_PC_1
SAY ~So, I bet you're glad of your good fortune in running into me. Why, I've surely improved the intellect of this party, not to mention the good looks, a hundred fold.~ [Quayl99]
IF ~~ THEN REPLY ~I have no time for this, gnome.~ DO ~SetGlobal("Quayle_PC","LOCALS",1)~ GOTO NoTime
IF ~~ THEN REPLY ~Of course, Quayle. I'm glad to have you around. I really don't know what I'd do without you!~ DO ~SetGlobal("Quayle_PC","LOCALS",1)~ GOTO QuayleGood
IF ~~ THEN REPLY ~You really do have a high opinion of yourself. How do you get that hat on with an ego that big?~ DO ~SetGlobal("Quayle_PC","LOCALS",1)~ GOTO EgoHat
END

IF ~~ THEN BEGIN NoTime
SAY ~Oh, get you! Somebody got out of the wrong side of bed this morning!~
IF ~~ THEN EXIT
END

IF ~~ THEN BEGIN QuayleGood
SAY ~Well, it's always nice to be appreciated... I'm glad you have the good sense to realise how important I am.~
IF ~~ THEN REPLY ~Actually, that was sarcasm. Couldn't you tell?~ GOTO NoTime
IF ~~ THEN REPLY ~You really do have a high opinion of yourself. How do you get that hat on with an ego that big?~ GOTO EgoHat
END

IF ~~ THEN BEGIN EgoHat
SAY ~I, uh, have a special lotion.~
IF ~~ THEN REPLY ~Actually, I wasn't expecting an answer. Well, not that answer.~ GOTO HatChafe
IF ~~ THEN REPLY ~Ehh... Never mind.~ EXIT
END

IF ~~ THEN BEGIN HatChafe
SAY ~Well, with a brain this big the hat does chafe. I would offer you some of the lotion but, y'know, I think it'd be wasted on you.~
IF ~~ THEN REPLY ~Right. Uh, time to keep moving I think.~ EXIT
END

END

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("AJANTIS")
See("AJANTIS")
!StateCheck("AJANTIS",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("Quayle_AJANTIS","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BQUAYL~ Quayle_AJANTIS_1
~You know, tin man, it doesn't seem very smart to prance about in that big metal suit all day. You should get a stylish one like mine!~ [Quayl99]
DO ~SetGlobal("Quayle_AJANTIS","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BAJANT~ ~I feel mine would provide more protection against sword or arrow blow, friend gnome.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Nonsense! Typical primate, you don't understand.~
== ~BAJANT~ ~And why not, pray tell?~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Well, my suit instantly marks me out as an executive while your amalgamation of iron and steel shows you are just a grunt. And everyone knows that lowly guards like you are killed quickly, while the better-dressed leaders of the party survive longest.~
== ~BXANNN~ IF ~InParty("Xan")~ THEN ~At the rate we're going we'll all perish soon, Quayle, suit or not.~
== ~BAJANT~ ~You are a strange creature, Quayle.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~We'll see, tin man. Or rather, I will.~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("Alora")
See("Alora")
!StateCheck("Alora",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("Quayle_Alora","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BQUAYL~ Quayle_Alora_1
~Now, let me see, where did I put it? Must be in my pack somewhere...~ [Quayl99] DO ~SetGlobal("Quayle_Alora","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BALORA~ ~Lost something, Quayle?~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Lost? Me, someone of my intelligence lose something? No, dear, I have merely, relocated an, ah, item from my pack somewhere else.~
== ~BALORA~ ~What is it exactly you've lost?~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Not lost, just it temporarily cannot be found! It's a, uh, powerful wizard's tool. Yeah. You wouldn't understand.~
== ~BALORA~ ~Would it possibly be this pair of well-used nose hair clippers?~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Hey, you thief! Give me those!~
== ~BALORA~ ~*laughs* So it is!~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~They're not hair clippers, it's a clever illusion. It's actually an, um, ancient Halruaan artefact.~
== ~BGARRI~ IF ~InParty("Garrick")~ THEN ~Wow! Really?~
== ~BQUAYL~ IF ~InParty("Garrick")~ THEN ~Yes, of course!~
== ~BALORA~ ~Is that why I saw you use them to trim your nose hair last night?~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~All part of the illusion, dear.~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("Branwen")
See("Branwen")
!StateCheck("Branwen",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("Quayle_Branwen","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BQUAYL~ Quayle_Branwen_1
~You know, being turned into a statue doesn't seem like a good career move to me, Branwen.~ [Quayl99] 
DO ~SetGlobal("Quayle_Branwen","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BBRANW~ ~It was not exactly my choice that it happened- and I thank Tempus that <CHARNAME> found and released me.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Ah yes, Tempus. That oh-so brilliant Lord of Battles.~
== ~BBRANW~ ~Do you mock my faith, gnome?~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Me? Oh, no. I was just pointing out that that sort of thing wouldn't have happened had you a better patron deity. Take me for instance. Why, I've never been petrified while in service of Baravar Cloakshadow, have I?~
== ~BBRANW~ ~Your logic, I fear, is flawed.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Or perhaps your primate mind is simply unable to grasp it. Who knows, perhaps your brain remained stone when your body was turned back.~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("Branwen")
See("Branwen")
!StateCheck("Branwen",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("Quayle_Branwen","LOCALS",1)~ THEN ~BQUAYL~ Quayle_Branwen_2
~Do you know what fascinates me the most about you?~ [Quayl99] 
DO ~SetGlobal("Quayle_Branwen","LOCALS",2)~
== ~BBRANW~ ~No... What?~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Well, it'd be the way you steadfastly follow after a god whose greatest goal in life is the splattering of internal organs.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Why, your willingness to close your eyes and mimic the blind regardless of personal consequences or the wisdom thereof really is quite remarkable, and in a way admirable, if regrettably suicidal.~
== ~BBRANW~ ~I'm fairly sure I understood most of what you just said. Regardless of the words, though, your tone makes itself clear enough. Yap elsewhere, little dog. I've no interest in being your pride's footstool.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Ah, Branwen. You *do* come up with the quaintest metaphors.~
== ~BBRANW~ ~Metawhat?~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~*sigh* Never mind…~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("Coran")
See("Coran")
!StateCheck("Coran",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("Quayle_Coran","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BQUAYL~ Quayle_Coran_1
~Say, Coran. In the time we've spent together, I've noticed you've been trying to imitate some of my skills.~ [Quayl99] DO ~SetGlobal("Quayle_Coran","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BCORAN~ ~Really? You mean I was prancing about telling everyone of the size of my enormous... Brain? Or had I done something else supremely intelligent?~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Come on, you know you have! Imitation is the highest form of flattery, of course, but you'll never be quite as good as me.~
== ~BCORAN~ ~No, of course not... At, uh, what?~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~So, admit it. You're stealing my moves with the ladies!~
== ~BCORAN~ ~Oh?~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~All those lines you use on the bar girls. You got them all from me!~
== ~BCORAN~ ~Those came to us from the depths of time, Quayle. Some predate the Netherese Empire. The Gods cannot have be so cruel as to have let you live long enough to be their creator!~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~I mean, have you not seen the way the ladies flock to me? It's but one of my many talents. Just a quick flash of my nose, a bow with the top hat, and they're mine.~
== ~BSAFAN~ IF ~InParty("Safana")~ THEN ~Well, you're *both* dashing examples of masculinity…~
== ~BCORAN~ ~I regret that I missed it. Maybe if you do your hat trick standing on the tabletop next time...~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Oh, there's no need to say anything. I know your game. Just next time we're out around town, give me some more space to work my magic. Don't go cramping my style, ok?~
== ~BCORAN~ ~Let me be tickled to death by five gorgeous nymphs if I dare to hinder your efforts! ~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("Dynaheir")
See("Dynaheir")
!StateCheck("Dynaheir",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("Quayle_Dynaheir","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BQUAYL~ Quayle_Dynaheir_1
~It occurs to me, Dynaheir, that if I was choosing a bodyguard for myself on a long and potentially dangerous trip then I'd choose one with a bit more upstairs than ol' Minsc.~ [Quayl99] DO ~SetGlobal("Quayle_Dynaheir","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BDYNAH~ ~Thou judgest Minsc unfairly, Quayle.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Well, to be fair, I don't. I mean, he is a bit crazy, you have to admit.~
== ~BDYNAH~ ~He hath proven himself a capable and loyal servant on many occasion, despite his slight mental deficiencies.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~I mean, he carries around a hamster, what does *that* say about him? It's like something out of the sort of novel we used to have to read at gnome-school. 'Of Hamsters And Men.'~
== ~BDYNAH~ ~I am afraid I hath no choice but to concur with you on that one.~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("Edwin")
See("Edwin")
!StateCheck("Edwin",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("Quayle_Edwin","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BQUAYL~ Quayle_Edwin_1
~Hey, Eddie. A moment of your time, please.~ [Quayl99] DO ~SetGlobal("Quayle_Edwin","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Oh, do *not* call me that again, you simian! I am Edwin. Edwin Odesseiron. I have a full name, and a man of my talents deserves to have it used. What is it you want now?~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Well, I'm a genius. And you think yourself pretty intelligent too.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~Yes, yes. Get on with it.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~But you're, say, two foot taller than me.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~True. Your point? (Maybe if I hear him out then he will shut up sooner.)~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~So, my intellect-to-volume ratio must be higher than yours. Ergo, I'm smarter than you.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~I think your excesses around the waist more than compensate for my extra height, gnome. (Yes, a good comeback. Heh.)~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Ah, um, well... That's all then. Bye!~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("Edwin")
See("Edwin")
!StateCheck("Edwin",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("Quayle_Edwin","LOCALS",1)~ THEN ~BQUAYL~ Quayle_Edwin_2
~May I tell you, tall sir, how pleasant it is to encounter someone who is (nearly) my intellectual equal? Or in a similar league, at least.~ [Quayl99] DO ~SetGlobal("Quayle_Edwin","LOCALS",2)~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~You may say that that your hilltop is 'nearer' to my eagle than the common valley without effect upon the flight of the raptor.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~An interesting metaphor. Did you know that, according to the latest study by Barnephas, the eagle ingests fully sixty-three percent of its calories from carrion rather than its own kills?~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~And that would affect a metaphorical eagle precisely how?~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~All metaphorical fancies are grounded in fact, so that to one of my breadth and depth of knowledge, they offer a great deal of unintended amusement.~
== ~BEDWIN~ ~I wonder how amused you would be if I displayed the depth of my knowledge - of converting swine into sausage.~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("Eldoth")
See("Eldoth")
!StateCheck("Eldoth",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("Quayle_Eldoth","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BQUAYL~ Quayle_Eldoth_1
~Hey, you! Quit your racket! Some of us are trying to think around here.~ [Quayl99] DO ~SetGlobal("Quayle_Eldoth","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BELDOT~ ~And who would they be? Certainly not you.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~What?~
== ~BELDOT~ ~You pretend to be such a genius, Quayle, but we all see through you.~
== ~BTIAX~ IF ~InParty("Tiax")~ THEN ~When Tiax rules, he will see through all!~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~I don't know what you're saying. Perhaps you just cannot comprehend my level of mental agility.~
== ~BELDOT~ ~Don't kid yourself, gnome.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Well, I got you to stop playing your lute, didn't I! Ha!~
== ~BELDOT~ ~Heh, I concede you did. I suppose having you around does make things a little more interesting.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Ooh, a compliment from the malicious bard! Did everybody hear that?~
== ~BELDOT~ ~Don't hold your breath, they won't come very often.~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("Faldorn")
See("Faldorn")
!StateCheck("Faldorn",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("Quayle_Faldorn","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BQUAYL~ Quayle_Faldorn_1
~I don't quite see the benefits of being a druid, Faldorn. Could you perhaps explain them to me?~ [Quayl99] DO ~SetGlobal("Quayle_Faldorn","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BFALDO~ ~Do you dare to suggest that a person becomes a druid to rape some benefits from the Great Mother, like some greedy civilized weakling?~
== ~BALORA~ IF ~InParty("Alora")~ THEN ~Oh, come on, Faldorn! Towns are nice!~
== ~BFALDO~ ~A nature's servant has no self-interest, magpie. The great mother gives to all with equal generosity, be they druids or not.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Yeah, but so does a shop in any town. An inn will also provide a warm and cosy bed, something which nature is sorely lacking.~
== ~BFALDO~ ~Nature provides a home for every being. Have you a home, Quayle?~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Why yes of course I do. But, you know, they were holding back my genius so I had to leave.~
== ~BFALDO~ ~And was that your decision?~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Ah, yes, entirely. What are you driving at?~
== ~BFALDO~ ~Nature will always have me and you, whereas your gnomish kin I doubt want you back.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Oh yeah? I could go back if I wanted to. I just prefer to travel and spread my brilliant and insightful wisdom around to the hordes of the uneducated.~
== ~BFALDO~ ~Whatever lets you sleep at night. ~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("Garrick")
See("Garrick")
!StateCheck("Garrick",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("Quayle_Garrick","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BQUAYL~ Quayle_Garrick_1
~They say silence is golden, Garrick. So maybe you could keep the humming to yourself for a bit? I'm trying to master a new and amazingly potent spell.~ [Quayl99] DO ~SetGlobal("Quayle_Garrick","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BGARRI~ ~Funny you say silence is golden, when it seems to me that, uh, your voice is both the loudest and most often heard in the party.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Us with intelligence have the right to use our voices as we wish.~
== ~BGARRI~ ~So what makes you think I'm not intelligent?~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Come on boy! You're pleasant enough, but look at the size of your nose! It's miniscule! Everyone knows the relationship between nasal and cranial capacity.~
== ~BEDWIN~ IF ~InParty("Edwin")~ THEN ~Everyone who is a demented gnome with an ego larger than himself, yes.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~I mean, my brain is so big I have to wear this hat to stop me from overheating. It's specially ventilated you know.~
== ~BGARRI~ ~Oh, so that's what the hat's for? I always thought you were compensating for something else, Quayle.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~I don't know what you mean.~
== ~BGARRI~ ~Uh, never mind then... (Score one for me!)~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("Imoen2")
See("Imoen2")
!StateCheck("Imoen2",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("Quayle_Imoen","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BQUAYL~ Quayle_Imoen_1
~So, Imoen, let me see. You willingly left the comfort of Candlekeep for a life on the road, facing constant attacks by all manner of creatures?~ [Quayl99] DO ~SetGlobal("Quayle_Imoen","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BIMOEN2~ ~Yup. Sure did!~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Whatever possessed you to do that?~
== ~BIMOEN2~ ~Aw, y'know, a sense of adventure and all that. Plus I have to make sure <CHARNAME> stays out of trouble.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~You know, recklessness may seem to be fashionable when young but let me tell you it's not a very good trait to have if you plan to survive long in this world.~
== ~BIMOEN2~ ~Well, you're an adventurer too. Explain that!~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~As I so often have to explain, I have a duty to spread enlightenment to you lesser folk, even though it often means putting myself in danger.~
== ~BIMOEN2~ ~Uh huh.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Oh course as the obviously most important member of the party, I'd expect you all to be willing to lose your lives for me should it be necessary. So my brain can carry on, you see.~
== ~BIMOEN2~ ~Well, I hope we never run into such a situation, then! For your sake. Hey, no offence though!~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Oh, charming.~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("Jaheira")
See("Jaheira")
!StateCheck("Jaheira",STATE_SLEEPING)
InParty("KHALID")
!StateCheck("KHALID",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("Quayle_Jaheira","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BQUAYL~ Quayle_Jaheira_1
~Jaheira, I feel I have to say that as far as secret societies go, the Harpers are a fairly shoddy one.~ [Quayl99] DO ~SetGlobal("Quayle_Jaheira","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BJAHEI~ ~Oh really? And I suppose you're going to tell me about the oodles of better ideas your amazing brain can throw up just off the top of your head?~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Well, yes, actually.~
== ~BJAHEI~ ~*sigh* I should've kept my mouth shut...~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~To start with, you need a better name. The Harpers? What is that?~
== ~BKHALI~ ~It c-comes from...~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Stop interrupting. As I was saying, a better name is needed. Let's see, an organisation that tries to help people. How about 'The Merry Band Of Smiley-Happy-Love-Friends'?~
== ~BJAHEI~ ~I don't think...~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Yeah, perhaps something more mysterious. Why not 'The Coven Of Badness-Destroying Mega Heroes'?~
== ~BMINSC~ IF ~InParty("Minsc")~ THEN ~Ooh, Boo is liking that one!~
== ~BJAHEI~ ~I hardly think either of your ideas show promise, Quayle, as is usually the case.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Bah, such a traditionalist, so stuck in your ways. I'll let you keep the name.~
== ~BJAHEI~ ~Oh, thank you, most wise one.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Sarcasm, Jaheira? You should know better than to attempt such against a mind as potent as mine. But, anyway, as I'm trying to help you out, I'll let it pass. Next up you need a secret handshake.~
== ~BJAHEI~ ~What in the world would we need that for?~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Well, why else would you want to join a secret society? There's no reason unless they have a cool special handshake.~
== ~BJAHEI~ ~I think you misunderstand the point of the Harpers.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Hello! I think *you* misunderstand the point of a secret society.~
== ~BKHALI~ ~A-actually...~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~I mean, neither of you even own a harp. Now where's the sense in that?~
== ~BJAHEI~ ~Is there any point in me trying to explain to you?~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~I need nothing explaining. So, you and your husband should just sit down and listen to me. Take down a list of pointers to pass on to Elminster, for next time you see him.~
== ~BKHALI~ ~P-perhaps you should pass on the pointers to him yours-self. I'd like to s-see his reaction!~
== ~BJAHEI~ ~Ha! Yes, very good Khalid.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Well, maybe I will. But in the meantime, don't say I didn't try to educate you!~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("Kagain")
See("Kagain")
!StateCheck("Kagain",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("Quayle_Kagain","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BQUAYL~ Quayle_Kagain_1
~Contrary to what many of the others in this party might say, Kagain, I don't see that there's anything wrong with a love of gold like you have.~ [Quayl99] DO ~SetGlobal("Quayle_Kagain","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BKAGAI~ ~That be right, gnome!~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~The thing is, though, that the rich would tend to be those with enough genius to run a profitable business.~
== ~BKAGAI~ ~Aye? And?~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Well, simply speaking, that should be me. And while you may have an iron constitution, Kagain, it strikes me that your mental facilities aren't quite up to scratch.~
== ~BYESLI~ IF ~InParty("Yeslick")~ THEN ~Aye Quayle, this cheatin' swine is a poor example for Dwarfhood.~
== ~BKAGAI~ ~Watch yer tong-~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~I mean, I realise you *are* a dwarf, so have a natural hindrance in the brains department.~
== ~BYESLI~ IF ~InParty("Yeslick")~ THEN ~Nay, *that's* no fair...~
== ~BKAGAI~ ~I'll nae take-~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~So, my suggestion is, I'll take the terrible burden of complex economical management off your hands in return for a small fee, leaving you to do what you do best. Kill things.~
== ~BKAGAI~ ~I'm quite capable o' running mae own business, Quayle!~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Granted, you haven't made any exceedingly stupid business decisions yet. But it's only a matter of time! A Dwarven brain just can't cope with the intricacies of the modern financial world!~
== ~BKAGAI~ ~If I were ye I'd shut yer mouth quick.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Kagain, I'm trying to do you a favour! Your tiny little mind can't even comprehend that most obvious of truths?~
== ~BKAGAI~ ~Ye're not at superior as ye think, fool.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Well, probably not, I do tend to underestimate my genius after all. Ah, modesty, another one of my many admirable traits...~
== ~BKAGAI~ ~Methinks ye're the one missing something up top, gnome. Mebbe it be hidden under that ridiculous hat, har har!~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Sorry, didn't quite catch that, was a bit caught up in my own mental pathways. What did you say?~
== ~BKAGAI~ ~I, ah, said I'd think about it.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Glad to hear it! And if you want me to explain again, Kagain, just ask. I'll even draw pictures if that helps!~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("Khalid")
See("Khalid")
!StateCheck("Khalid",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("Quayle_Khalid","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BQUAYL~ Quayle_Khalid_1
~You know Khalid, sometimes I think you're almost clever enough to be a mage.~ [Quayl99] DO ~SetGlobal("Quayle_Khalid","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BKHALI~ ~Why, t-t-thank you.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Then I remember you'd never be able to *say* a single spell without messing up.~
== ~BKHALI~ ~That's very unch-charitable of y-you, Quayle.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Well you know us intellectuals have a duty to report the truth to lower creatures.~
== ~BKHALI~ ~F-from where I'm standing it appears y-you're lower down.~
== ~BJAHEI~ IF ~InParty("Jaheira")~ THEN ~Well-said, my beloved.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Hey! That sort of remark seems all you primitives are capable of.~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("Kivan")
See("Kivan")
!StateCheck("Kivan",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("Quayle_Kivan","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BQUAYL~ Quayle_Kivan_1
~As the most intelligent member of this party, I feel it is important I inform you of the grave mistakes you are making, Kivan.~ [Quayl99] DO ~SetGlobal("Quayle_Kivan","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BKIVAN~ ~I do not want to hear what you have to say, gnome. You have a habit of wasting words with useless prattle.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Why, I'm offended you would feel such a thing! No offence taken though, the true genius must let his mind roam freely, no matter what those of lower ability may say.~
== ~BKIVAN~ ~*sigh*~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~So, uh, what was I saying?~
== ~BKIVAN~ ~You were going to tell me of the grave mistakes I was making, Quayle.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Ah yes, of course. I knew that, just testing you!~
== ~BKIVAN~ ~Get on with it if you must.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Well, correct me if I'm wrong, but you wish to seek vengeance against this Tazok for crimes he has committed against you?~
== ~BKIVAN~ ~Indeed. He shall soon greet death and the Nine Hells, where he belongs.~
== ~BXZAR~ IF ~InParty("Xzar")~ THEN ~Death and the Nine Hells? Why, but Death is in the Fugue Plane! At least, that's what Mummy always used to say...~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Well, it occurs to me if he captured you before and killed your, uh, mate then going back's not really a good idea, is it?~
== ~BKIVAN~ ~Yes, gnome, that what has happen-~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~I mean, even rats learn to avoid mousetraps. You'd think an elf would learn from past mistakes too. Are gnomes the only race blessed with even simple common sense?~
== ~BKIVAN~ ~You are blessed indeed, Quayle. I am not so fortunate, so I will walk into the trap and spring it, if I have hope that the one who set it shall be caught as well. Or if I am sure that it can prevent another rat without common sense from running into it.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~What? Uh, ok, I get it. Just as I thought, no common sense...~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("Minsc")
See("Minsc")
!StateCheck("Minsc",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("Quayle_Minsc","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BQUAYL~ Quayle_Minsc_1
~You know Minsc, it has occurred to me many times that your rodent is probably more intelligent than you.~ [Quayl99] DO ~SetGlobal("Quayle_Minsc","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BMINSC~ ~Well, of course you are right!~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~You admit it, ya big ape?~
== ~BMINSC~ ~Of course! Boo knows everything. There is no shame in admitting that.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Oooookay…~
== ~BMINSC~ ~And also I can stroke him. He is small and furry. Would you like to stroke Boo too?~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Um, no thanks. I have to, ah, go over *here* now.~
== ~BMINSC~ ~Your loss.~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("Montaron")
InParty("Xzar")
See("Montaron")
!StateCheck("Montaron",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("Quayle_Montaron","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BQUAYL~ Quayle_Montaron_1
~Hey, Monty. So, what's the deal with your crazy friend?~ [Quayl99] DO ~SetGlobal("Quayle_Montaron","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BMONTA~ ~Xzar? He be not my friend, our travelling together is merely an unfortunate result of our employment.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~So, you don't mind when I am forced to show my superiority to him in front of others?~
== ~BMONTA~ ~Nay, Quayle, I enjoy seeing the fool put in his place.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Well, just as long as we're clear.~
== ~BMONTA~ ~Aye. And one day I'll see him put in his final place…~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("Safana")
See("Safana")
!StateCheck("Safana",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("Quayle_Safana","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BQUAYL~ Quayle_Safana_1
~I've watched how you manipulate men, Safana, and I thought it only fair to let you know if won't work on me.~ [Quayl99] DO ~SetGlobal("Quayle_Safana","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BSAFAN~ ~Why Quayle, I have positively no idea what you mean.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~I'm far too intelligent to fall for your little attempts at getting your own way. That's all.~
== ~BSAFAN~ ~Ooh, you do me a disservice. Tell me Quayle, did I ever tell you how much I love your nose?~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Well no, I don't believe you've mentioned that. It *is* an indication of superior mental ability, and of course virility.~
== ~BSAFAN~ ~Mmmm, you sound so confident when you say that. I like a man who is confident.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~With my immense talents how could I fail to be confident?~
== ~BSAFAN~ ~Indeed. Say, could you go look for my hair clasp? I think it dropped off over there, somewhere.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Yes, of course... Hey, wait a minute! I just told you I wasn't going to fall for your tricks!~
== ~BSAFAN~ ~As I said just moments ago, Quayle, I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about.~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("Shar-Teel")
See("Shar-Teel")
!StateCheck("Shar-Teel",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("Quayle_Shar-Teel","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BQUAYL~ Quayle_Shar-Teel_1
~You know, Shar-Teel, I'm surprised you consider men inferior to women.~ [Quayl99] DO ~SetGlobal("Quayle_Shar-Teel","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BSHART~ ~I did not ask for your opinions, short one.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Oh, I'm well aware of that.~
== ~BSHART~ ~Then why do you continue to bother me?~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~I'm just trying to cure you of your delusions, dearie. I was going to say that since I am clearly the most superior member of this party, and also a male, if we take our little group of adventurers as a representative sample of the population it follows that, actually, men are superior to women. Oh, yes.~
== ~BSHART~ ~Bah! And you call me delusional…~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~In time you'll see that I'm right, as always. Oh yes, you will!~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("Skie")
See("Skie")
!StateCheck("Skie",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("Quayle_Skie","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BQUAYL~ Quayle_Skie_1
~You know Skie, I have to give you credit that the fake-your-own-kidnapping plan was a work of genius. Tell me, who came up with it?~ [Quayl99] DO ~SetGlobal("Quayle_Skie","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BSKIE~ ~Why, Eldoth and myself, Sir!~
== ~BELDOT~ IF ~InParty("Eldoth")~ THEN ~Well, I should take most of the credit for it, but yes.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~And anyone else?~
== ~BSKIE~ ~Uh, nope.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~No gnomish friends, or anything at all?~
== ~BSKIE~ ~Uh, like I said, nope.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~You mean you two had the idea all by yourselves?~
== ~BSKIE~ ~Yes, we did. I'm not quite sure why you're asking, though, Quayle...~
== ~BELDOT~ IF ~InParty("Eldoth")~ THEN ~I think I can see where he's going with this.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~I just find it fascinating that members of the lesser races could conceive of such an intricate plan. Oh, and no offence intended, of course.~
== ~BSKIE~ ~Well then, none taken... I guess!~
== ~BELDOT~ IF ~InParty("Eldoth")~ THEN ~Speak for yourself, Skie. I, for one, am offended my this gnome's constant insults.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Still, I guess it could've been a fluke.~
== ~BSKIE~ ~I don't think we humans are all quite as stupid as you think, Sir.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Trust me on this, Skie, you generally are. No need to call me Sir, by the way- though I'm superior to you all, I take my place in the party as a humble equal.~
== ~BSKIE~ ~Oh, ok then.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Though of course I *should* be in the lead. But I'm happy to forget that oversight for now...~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-10 ~InParty("Tiax")
!Dead("Tiax")
Global("QUTI1","GLOBAL",0)~ THEN ~BQUAYL~ Quayle_Tiax_1
~Hey, Tiax, how do you keep an idiot in suspense?~ [Quayl99] 
DO ~SetGlobal("QUTI1","GLOBAL",1)~
== ~BTIAX~ ~Tiax cares not for your riddles, disobedient one!~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Okay. Your loss…~
== ~BTIAX~ ~Tiax, eh, demands you give him the answer that he might better smite thee!~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~So, you *do* want to know to keep an idiot in suspense?~
== ~BTIAX~ ~Tiax does, weakling blasphemer!~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~I'll tell you later. (Ha! He fell for it. More proof of my superiority!)~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-8 ~InParty("Tiax")
!Dead("Tiax")
Global("QUTI1","GLOBAL",1)
Global("QUTI2","GLOBAL",0)~ THEN ~BQUAYL~ Quayle_Tiax_2
~Tiax, if your brain is as small as your miniscule nose, then its no wonder this group needs me. Everyone must be getting dumber just being near you!~ [Quayl99] 
DO ~SetGlobal("QUTI2","GLOBAL",1)~
== ~BTIAX~ ~You *dare* to insult Tiax's grand and majestic nose? Why, the nostrils alone would make Baervan himself weep! And just look at the curvature!~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~I am. And it's almost enough to make me weep. How could the Gnomish gods curse even this dullard so horribly?~
== ~BTIAX~ ~Tiax's nose is the greatest nose in the world, of unprecedented length, of tremendous size and scale! It is! It is! It is! And when Tiax rules, you will be flogged for ever doubting otherwise! Oh, yes, you will!~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~*yawn* Yeah, I've heard all this before. Why don't you take your teeny-weeny nose and go bother someone else?~
== ~BTIAX~ ~Accckk! Tiax HATES you, he HATES YOU! Smart guy's days are numbered!~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-7 ~InParty("Tiax")
!Dead("Tiax")
Global("QUTI2","GLOBAL",1)
Global("QUTI3","GLOBAL",0)
~ THEN ~BQUAYL~ Quayle_Tiax_3
~Tiax, you're a poster child for the dangers of inbreeding.~ [Quayl99] 
DO ~SetGlobal("QUTI3","GLOBAL",1)~
== ~BTIAX~ ~So smart guy is talking again? When did Tiax give permission for that!?~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~I need no permission from a slow-witted troglodyte with barely enough brain cells to keep from drooling all over himself.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~I'll say what I wish to you because skewering you with my razor wit demonstrates the stunning power of my tremendous brain over fools and simpletons.~
== ~BTIAX~ ~Tiax tires of your yapping! Smart guy thinks he knows a lot, and yet still doesn't understand that TIAX IS DESTINED TO RULE! That is all smart guy needs to know, and yet it slips past him time and again!~
== ~BTIAX~ ~When Tiax rules, smart guy will scream out his repentance to all the world and BEG for forgiveness from his new master!~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Right now I would prefer to beg for you to shut up. Your voice is working on my nerves.~
== ~BTIAX~ ~Tiax won't take much more of this! If smart guy angers Tiax again, it will be the LAST time!~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("Viconia")
See("Viconia")
!StateCheck("Viconia",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("Quayle_Viconia","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BQUAYL~ Quayle_Viconia_1
~Hey, Viconia, I'm surprised that the drow have established such a hold over the Underdark.~ [Quayl99] 
DO ~SetGlobal("Quayle_Viconia","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BVICON~ ~And why is that, rivvin?~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Well, I know there's Deep Gnomes down there. And if you're a typical drow and myself a gnome (though admittedly, I am a highly gifted gnome), I fail to see why us gnomes have not yet achieved total dominion of the lands below. Why, it must certainly be within our capabilities.~
== ~BVICON~ ~You dare suggest your pathetic kin to be more powerful than the splendid drow, iblith?~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~It's not as if it's a matter of opinion, Viconia. I'm merely stating the truth. And, y'know, the truth often hurts!~
== ~BVICON~ ~You would do well to remember that fact.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Ooh, see me quake in my boots.~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("Xan")
See("Xan")
!StateCheck("Xan",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("Quayle_Xan","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BQUAYL~ Quayle_Xan_1
~You always seem particularly miserable when I talk to you, Xan.~ [Quayl99] 
DO ~SetGlobal("Quayle_Xan","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BXANNN~ ~Well, the unbearable annoyingness of your voice means that whenever you use it you can only be bringing our doom closer.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~My voice? Annoying? No, I think you're just jealous of my superior intelligence.~
== ~BXANNN~ ~Whatever. You'll see. I'm sure you'll get an arrow in the voice box soon enough. Though of course the rest of us will probably be next.~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("Xzar")
See("Xzar")
!StateCheck("Xzar",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("Quayle_Xzar","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BQUAYL~ Quayle_Xzar_1
~Hey, crazy! What's up?~ [Quayl99] DO ~SetGlobal("Quayle_Xzar","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BXZAR~ ~Hope. It springs eternal, I'm told. Some such drivel, anyway.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~You're so unhinged I'm surprised you can even cast spells. You should take a leaf out my book. Mind you, you humans are still primitive.~
== ~BXZAR~ ~Leaf? Trees? Can't see either of them with this blasted forest all about. And humans, though primitive, have the advantage of evolving quickly.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Even I have no idea what you're on about now, and I'm a genius.~
== ~BXZAR~ ~Their natural lifespan permits humans to form zombies, ghouls and...uh...condiments far sooner than other species.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~I often get the feeling you can't keep up with the level of my conversations.~
== ~BXZAR~ ~And if you trip over a gnome, you won't get hurt if you land in his leaves. Or at least that hope springs to mind.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Sheesh, Necromancy must do some messed up things to your head.~
EXIT

CHAIN
IF WEIGHT #-1 ~CombatCounter(0) !See([ENEMY])InParty("Yeslick")
See("Yeslick")
!StateCheck("Yeslick",STATE_SLEEPING)
Global("Quayle_Yeslick","LOCALS",0)~ THEN ~BQUAYL~ Quayle_Yeslick_1
~So, you were rescued from a mine then, were you?~ [Quayl99] DO ~SetGlobal("Quayle_Yeslick","LOCALS",1)~
== ~BYESLI~ ~Aye, that be the truth.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Betrayed by Rieltar of the Iron Throne, wasn't it?~
== ~BYESLI~ ~Aye, I'm sad to say so. What's yer point?~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Well, it just strikes me as being quite ironic that as a dwarf you were rescued from being, essentially, underground. You *do* know what irony is?~
== ~BYESLI~ ~It were hell in the mine when I were imprisoned, gnome. 'Twas not something to be joked of!~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~Really? I had not thought dwarves intellectual enough to make jokes.~
== ~BYESLI~ ~Gah, ye can be an uncharitable bastard sometimes, Quayle.~
== ~BQUAYL~ ~But you're a dwarf all the time, Yeslick. And for that I can but hold you in pity.~
EXIT
